Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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