I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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