I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
