Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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