I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't deserve a penis
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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