goodnight i made you a song goodbye
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
