i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize