in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
