So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
