My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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