life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
