it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
