i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Is it penis luge time yet?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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