I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
should my penis look like a turkey
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
