i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
