you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
