Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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