I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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