Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
