We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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