1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Man, jail baloney is awful.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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