well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
