Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
