While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
