Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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