i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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