im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
