Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
