I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
