My entire life is one complicated drinking game
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
