we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
