All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Pants are for mortals
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
