I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
