YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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