So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
