i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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