first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
