why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
