So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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