ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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