I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
