we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
