do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
