I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my being single is dangerous.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
