Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
