everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
