He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize