So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
