sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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