Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
