some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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