she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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