In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize