these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
