I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
