i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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