those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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