The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
