you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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