I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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