Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
