All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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