What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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