So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
