is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
