he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize