I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
