I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
