you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
