I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
