Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
