yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
