Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
