Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I came so hard my ears popped.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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