in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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