Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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