The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
