No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
