I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
