You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
